Wednesday, May 13, 2009


This is how I've been feeling lately. Apathetic towards everything. I'm still feeling depressed, although it doesn't seem as if it's happening as frequent. Maybe I'm wrong....I'm still trying to figure out what direction I should take concerning my next "career". The problem right now is that the employment agency that is helping me, because of how many people are out of work, I can't get in to speak to someone about career options, where my interests lie etc. until mid June.
Sucks. I'm not feeling too great about myself right now. Just been doing a lot of reading and relaxing. I'm definitely sleeping too much (for a change). All I want to do is stay inside. It is not healthy for sure, but that's how it is. My participation in my hobbies has dropped right down to zero, it's not great. One of the books I just finished is Over the Boards by former Toronto Maple Leaf, Ron Ellis. While I enjoyed it from a sports fan's perspective, the chapter I found most interesting was about his battle with depression for about 10 years. Reading about it gave me some insights to my own battle. Here was a person who lived his dream, played on the 1967 Stanley Cup team, competed against all the greats, scored over 300 goals, and had a long and successful career, and he went through a lot of the same things that are happening to me. I learned that I am smack dab in the middle of the typical age range for males (35-50).
All of the following is what I'm feeling at this point:

• Loss of interest in normal daily activities
• Feeling sad or down
• Feeling hopeless
• Mood swings
• Problems sleeping (sleeping too much, interrupted sleep or not enough sleep
• Trouble focusing or concentrating
• Difficulty making decisions
• Appetite change - unintentional weight gain or loss
• Irritability, feeling edgy
• Restlessness
• Being easily annoyed
• Feeling fatigued or weak
• Feeling worthless, self-loathing, feeling like a failure
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

I know it's not something that I can "snap out of". I'm not sure what the problem is, or what the next step is......
Until next time.....

1 comment:

  1. I don't mean this to sound trite. It's certainly not intended to. But hang in there. Is the conselling helping? Have you talked about all this with someone? I know you probably don't feel like it, but try something new. A new activity. Watch a movie you wouldn't normally watch or listen to music you wouldn't normally listen to. Try to stay active. Activity, even regular walks, is extremely beneficial for depression. I fight it too sometimes. I know you don't just "get over it" but sometimes you can work through it. Just keep going through the motions and hopefully it'll help. BTW ... I think they call it a mid-life crisis. Talk to B. Worked for him. LOL Remember we love you and definitely want to have you and C back once it warms up sufficiently and we stop working! June. July. August. no work. just play. never forget we're here for you.