Thursday, April 30, 2009

Just wondering...

If there is such a thing as Bigfoot, and there is more than one of them, is the plural form Bigfeet?
Bigfoots? Sasquatches? Sasquatchii?

Monday, April 27, 2009

I Don't Get It.....

Sometimes I wonder about people....I have an acquaintance/friend I will call Q. He is with the mother of his child currently. I will call her Z. Their relationship is stormy at the best of times. They have both had their problems, both mental and physical, as well as addiction. Personally, I think the best thing for Q is to totally call it quits with Z, figure out visitation/custody of the child, and move on with his life. Z has mood swings that shift from minute to minute, or that's how it appears to me. Although I could be wrong. I barely know Z. But I can see enough, that I think that Q would be better off without Z. He says that it is over between them (or has said it), but it seems they are sort-of, kind of, maybe/maybe not together again. Q is a decent looking guy (all I can say, coming from a hetero point of view). Maybe he feels that she is the best he can do? I understand that he loves Z, but sometimes you can't be a rescuer. I guess sometimes you can't figure out the power some people hold over other people, and that there are different forms of being addicted, not just drugs or alcohol. But Q and Z are both adults, and although my partner has known Q almost forever and is very fond of him, I think both her and I realize that you have to let people live their lives and make mistakes. Dealing with other people's stress and problems just brings it into your own life. Hopefully, Q and Z can figure out something that works for them, and they can get the help they need and move on. I guess the main point here is for them to clean up, smarten up, and try and be good parents for their young one.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Healing Music

When I broke up from my daughter's mother towards the end of 2005, I was left with a lot of really bad feelings, ranging from hurt, anger, betrayal, feeling played for a fool, shock etc.
Being a big music fan (although my tastes are pretty limited, some would say...) one of the ways that I sought out to start feeling better was through music. There were many long lonely nights, after putting my daughter SJ to bed that were spent listening to downloaded music and CD's.

One of my favourite albums at the time was "Disciplined Breakdown" by Collective Soul. I found the lyrics and the music soul-healing, especially one song in particular "Link". The chorus of the song was meaningful for me and I adopted the phrase as my quote to help me make it through the dark days.
With my anger well diffused
The link to love I now may choose
With my heart no more abused
The link of love I now may use

I printed this out, and taped it to the inside cover of a journal I was writing at the time. I also listened to a lot of
BB King, my main song being a great one called "There's Always One More Time". It is one of his best songs, that starts off slow, but has soaring vocals and his trademark playing of Lucille, and I found the song very inspirational. Another fav band is Simple Minds, and the song "Sanctify Yourself". The line "Set yourself free" was another personal motto that I took as my own to help myself feel better. There was lots of other songs, and other artists, of course, but those are the main ones that come to my mind.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Nut in a Lifeshell (aka How I came up with this name)

So, the last few months or so (maybe longer), I have been feeling depressed. I figured out that maybe it was a good time to start examining my life. My job was not doing anything for me, I felt there was something missing. My relationship with The Lovely One was about the only good thing in my life at that point. Sometimes I felt so frustrated that I wanted to scream, or do something destructive. I felt at times that I was about 1 step away from having a breakdown. Often at work, I would phone the Lovely One, and tell her how depressed I was. I felt like at any given moment, I would either burst into tears, or explode with anger. It felt like I was going "Nuts". And many people believe that our bodies are just a shell while we are here on Earth, and that our true life is in what happens when we pass on. So hence, our bodies are our "Lifeshell".
Plus it was kind of a corny play on words.
In January 2009, I started seeing a therapist. And around the end of the month, after knowing their whereabouts for over a year, I finally made a big step and decided out-of-the-blue to contact my longtime friends B&S. I have known B since high school and was around when he met his wife, the lovely S. But crap and life happens, and due to circumstances that I call the Lost Decade (which I might talk about later) we fell out of touch. It bothered me for a long time, and because we were out of touch, I did not attend their wedding. It is something that I deeply regret and am truly sorry that I missed. But it was definitely a positive first step in finding my way back to the "Old Me" before The Lost Decade. It's great to be around positive people and old friends who knew you "way back when". I feel like I'm on my way back, and that my life is starting over. Plus getting into the warmer weather will certainly help me feel better. Life is OK right now.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Bucket List

For those of you who saw the movie, you know what this is. If not, it's basically a TO-DO List of things I want to do before I die.

1. Marry The Lovely One (figured I'd better put this first)
2. See my kids grow up and be successful.
3. See a baseball game in every Major League city
4. Walk on the Great Wall of China
5. Do the Canopy tour in the Haliburton Forest
6. Find a profession that I find I can live with
7. Own a vintage car/muscle car
8. Walk my daughter down the aisle
9. Go to the final game of the World Series
10.Travel across Canada
11.Get my kicks on Route 66
12.See the pyramids
13. Scotland
14. Ireland
15. Australia
16. Spring Training in Florida or Arizona
17. The National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY
18. Own a house
19. Stop being depressed
20. Learn to barbecue

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Easter Weekend

I have been feeling pretty good for the last week or so, for a change. Our friend M has been hanging out here while he gets his life back on track. We ended up having a kid-less weekend for Easter. YAY!!! Went to S&J's and rocked out playing Rockband on Friday. Saturday we headed to Ajax to see my great, longtime friends B&S, whom I recently got back in touch with. Great conversation, and awesome food was the order of the day. Thanks guys!! We'll do it again soon! After losing track of time (good times will do that), we headed out at 11:30pm to head to downtown TO. The Lovely One wanted to go to a bar where one of her old friends was DJ'ing. (Is that a proper word?). So, being the good sport I am, we went. Our musical tastes are quite different, but I figured this was brownie points for later (Heh heh). Some stoned-out guy there offered to buy me a drink. I was like "Thanks dude, but I'm ok". He was kinda weird. Got home around 430 am, after having 2 double cheeseburgers at MCD's at 4am. Yummy breakfast!!
Since my rock-star juices were flowing, headed back to S&J's for more Rockband. Crazy M got his hair re-styled and dyed, the lovely one got her bangs cut, S. gave J.a mohawk then shaved him to the wood, and I wrecked my throat trying to be Roger Daltry. All in all, an awesome weekend with our most cared about friends.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

What happens now?

Hmmm....interesting question. I guess these are my mid-life crises. I'm using the plural form since there are a few. Boy I wish could afford a Ferrari....oh wait, maybe I can!! Well, here I am at 41 years old. Unemployed. In therapy. Mild depression. YAY!! Could life be any better? Oh yeah, we also got snow in K-W on APRIL 6!!! BTW, sarcasm is one of my charms.

At this point, after being in the auto parts industry for nearly 20 years, I think it maybe time for retraining. I just wish I could figure out what path to take...
I've never had a clear-cut idea of what I wanted to be when I grow up. BTW, I did see a post for a Chicken Catcher on the job bank website. I just sort of fell into jobs and stayed with them. But I've always had the notion that I wanted to do something that was fulfilling. That may not be possible, and logically, that fulfillment might have to come from elsewhere, meaning my personal life with my family and friends. Maybe this blog will help.

I'm hoping that this blog can help to make me happy. That's pretty much it. Post some photos, write a little blurb, stuff I find interesting that is going on in my life. Some friends and loved ones wiser than me, have started to do the same. I don't know how often I am going to update this. I guess the best answer is, whenever. But I hope this outlet will be part of the total solution to feeling ok again.