Thursday, April 16, 2009

Nut in a Lifeshell (aka How I came up with this name)

So, the last few months or so (maybe longer), I have been feeling depressed. I figured out that maybe it was a good time to start examining my life. My job was not doing anything for me, I felt there was something missing. My relationship with The Lovely One was about the only good thing in my life at that point. Sometimes I felt so frustrated that I wanted to scream, or do something destructive. I felt at times that I was about 1 step away from having a breakdown. Often at work, I would phone the Lovely One, and tell her how depressed I was. I felt like at any given moment, I would either burst into tears, or explode with anger. It felt like I was going "Nuts". And many people believe that our bodies are just a shell while we are here on Earth, and that our true life is in what happens when we pass on. So hence, our bodies are our "Lifeshell".
Plus it was kind of a corny play on words.
In January 2009, I started seeing a therapist. And around the end of the month, after knowing their whereabouts for over a year, I finally made a big step and decided out-of-the-blue to contact my longtime friends B&S. I have known B since high school and was around when he met his wife, the lovely S. But crap and life happens, and due to circumstances that I call the Lost Decade (which I might talk about later) we fell out of touch. It bothered me for a long time, and because we were out of touch, I did not attend their wedding. It is something that I deeply regret and am truly sorry that I missed. But it was definitely a positive first step in finding my way back to the "Old Me" before The Lost Decade. It's great to be around positive people and old friends who knew you "way back when". I feel like I'm on my way back, and that my life is starting over. Plus getting into the warmer weather will certainly help me feel better. Life is OK right now.


  1. We never stopped loving you T. We missed you a lot at the wedding (we have a video if you ever want to see it) but all that matters is that we're back in touch. The other crap doesn't matter. We all have to go through what we go through. We are the sum of our experiences. And besides, you wouldn't have S. if it weren't for The Lost Decade. Love you both.

  2. Dude, the best way to make up for the past is to really LIVE in the present. Gotta enjoy what you have now and try not to hang onto things that happened before that we can't change.

    This year we're on an upswing from a somewhat crappy last year (let's see: two medical situations, car accident, two floods, my dad had a heart attack, S.'s mom passed away and a friend in my modelling club also passed away). Not my idea of a great time.

    But bad situations DO blow over eventually. Now I'm so full of hope and positivity for this year it'll make you sick. I promise I'll get some of it on you. :)
    While we were out of touch you weren't in my life but you were always on my mind and in my heart. We had some amazing times before and there's still time for more.

    Love ya bud.


    PS: HUMAN SACRIFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Thanks guys. I know the past is just that. Just needed to get some overdue feelings out. It was only a statement of fact of how I was feeling at the time. No worries, I feel like I'm on the upswing as well. PHLEGM!!!!!!(Remember that one?)

  4. Sandy, Barry - I think you two are awesome and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad Tony finally got back in touch with you because he's been talking about it since we first got together.

    BTW, I love what Barry said, "I'm so full of hope and positivity for this year it'll make you sick. I promise I'll get some of it on you. :)"

    Please do! Please do! (I can use it too)

    And, sweetheart -- it's not so much about finding the "Old You" as it is being connected to who you are at the core of your soul.

    Love you!