Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Surprises....Good and Bad

To all my fan out there (yes, I meant to leave off the "s"), sorry I haven't blogged for a while. This last week or so has been pretty stressful. The Lovely One was a bit stressed out because she was "late". As in, LATE. I told her that because she was stressed, that was probably the reason. It has happened before for that reason. This went on for a few days, so she decided to take THE TEST. Actually, it ended up being about 4 of them. So it turns out, that the Lovely One is pregnant. I know a lot of couples use the term "We're pregnant" but that has always bugged me, plus it's medically impossible. But I digress.
Anyway, we talked about this before, and the fact that I wasn't crazy about having more kids at this point in my life. And her pregnancy with her son was fairly difficult. I had it in my mind of getting the snip-snip. Just never got around to it. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. So she was really happy, I was as well, but a bit overwhelmed. I was worried about our living situation, my non-working situation, my daughter situation etc...
We told a few select friends, and my parents. It was very early in her pregnancy. Lovely One was very happy and joyous and blogging up a storm. For me, it would take a few more weeks or a month or two to get to the same state she was at. It's just the way guys are wired. We don't feel that emotional attachment right away. Maybe it's because us guys can't see anything for a few months. I'm really not sure. I wish it was different, but there it is. So after a couple of days, Lovely was feeling crampy and the usual. Now, her worst fears are starting to come to pass. Long story short, she felt like she lost the baby. After getting the official test back from the doctor, it was true. She was very emotional, and depressed about it. I was upset as well, but mainly for her. I don't want to be seen as being detached, or that I don't care. But at the stage we were at, it wasn't ready to happen yet. It was best for everyone. Baby included. I'm very sorry for her, and how she is feeling. Plus afterward, she felt and was scared that, we would not try again. She was very happy at the outset, and now felt that this was her last chance and now the door is closed. I promised her that since I saw how it made her feel, we will try again. She seems to be ok now. But my lack of emotion, or not feeling as much as the Lovely One was, does not mean a lack of caring. As I explained, it's different for us. I wish it was different. Next time when everything is ok, it will be better.


  1. Well, sometimes I'm just not sure what to say. Tony, I completely understand what you're saying and the feeling you showed when you told us said it all. Lovely One (oh what SHOULD I call you anyway?), my thoughts and prayers always sweetie.


  2. PS: You're allowed to do more than one post a month, y'know!

    Yeah yeah, I know. I'm an asshole sometimes! =)